Crazy....
In a time when seems like half of America is looking for a 9-5, I'm ready to pack up and leave mine. I want to say that I'm afraid, but I'd just be lying to myself. In these meager 26 years I've been on earth, I've made some really stupid decisions. I've had my share of bad calls and dim witted "bright ideas". But for the very first time in my life I feel that I'm finally headed in the right direction. I'm finally waking up, not to find my purpose, but with the hope that everyday I'm closer to pursuing it full-time.
Yeah, right now, I get up in the morning knowing that if I drive up the same 5 levels, go down then up the same two elevators, sit at the same desk and answer the same phone and stare at the same faces Monday thru Friday in two weeks I'll get X amount of dollars come rain or shine...
I know that "if" something happens to my husband's job tomorrow, as long as I have that same 9-5 we'll be able to live some what the way we do now with various changes in spending habits.
BUT.......
"if", if I keep driving up those 5 levels, if I keep riding those 2 elevators, and sitting at that desk, answering that phone and staring at those same faces my purpose may suffocate and perish in the mear shadow of an "if".
I mean, what "if" he doesn't lose his job and the economy gets better and the market rebounds and property values begin to rise and I'm still there, with those......
same faces, and that same phone, at the same desk, going down those same elevators and driving down those same 5 levels to only get back home months (maybe even years) later to find that things never got as bad for us as "if" made them seem they would and I'm empty, broken and feeling unworthy because I was afraid of the success that I could so vividly see when everything around me was so bleak...
See, in light of this recession I see nothing but progression if I do what it takes to meet my dreams more than half way and yet there are those that say I need to be in a "halfway house" if I'm thinking about leaving my 9-5 and then, sitting here the last few days thinking of all of this and opening up "The Google" to see that 10,000 more people (at one company) just got laid off today I wonder "if" I really am CRAZY.......
In a time when seems like half of America is looking for a 9-5, I'm ready to pack up and leave mine. I want to say that I'm afraid, but I'd just be lying to myself. In these meager 26 years I've been on earth, I've made some really stupid decisions. I've had my share of bad calls and dim witted "bright ideas". But for the very first time in my life I feel that I'm finally headed in the right direction. I'm finally waking up, not to find my purpose, but with the hope that everyday I'm closer to pursuing it full-time.
Yeah, right now, I get up in the morning knowing that if I drive up the same 5 levels, go down then up the same two elevators, sit at the same desk and answer the same phone and stare at the same faces Monday thru Friday in two weeks I'll get X amount of dollars come rain or shine...
I know that "if" something happens to my husband's job tomorrow, as long as I have that same 9-5 we'll be able to live some what the way we do now with various changes in spending habits.
BUT.......
"if", if I keep driving up those 5 levels, if I keep riding those 2 elevators, and sitting at that desk, answering that phone and staring at those same faces my purpose may suffocate and perish in the mear shadow of an "if".
I mean, what "if" he doesn't lose his job and the economy gets better and the market rebounds and property values begin to rise and I'm still there, with those......
same faces, and that same phone, at the same desk, going down those same elevators and driving down those same 5 levels to only get back home months (maybe even years) later to find that things never got as bad for us as "if" made them seem they would and I'm empty, broken and feeling unworthy because I was afraid of the success that I could so vividly see when everything around me was so bleak...
See, in light of this recession I see nothing but progression if I do what it takes to meet my dreams more than half way and yet there are those that say I need to be in a "halfway house" if I'm thinking about leaving my 9-5 and then, sitting here the last few days thinking of all of this and opening up "The Google" to see that 10,000 more people (at one company) just got laid off today I wonder "if" I really am CRAZY.......
Yes woman, you are crazy! lol. Nah, I know what you're going through (you know I've been there done that for TEN years) but at the same time, I need to warn you because I'm living it, it's way worse than what you THINK you know.
ReplyDeleteWhen I got laid off I had no doubt in my mind that I'd find another gig within a month or two if I got on the grind. Well, I grinded and it's 5 months later. This situation is unlike anything our generation (yes mine AND yours) has ever had to deal with before.
Maybe you find another way to satisfy your desire to follow your dream while maintaining that steady, weekly check?
But if I know you, you've already made up your mind.